How to not ruin your kids with your wealth ft. Dr. Becky
Explore Dr. Becky Kennedy's insights on raising well-adjusted kids in affluent environments on Hampton's MoneyWise podcast with Sam Parr. Learn about balancing career success with mindful parenting, fostering resilience through frustration, and rethinking legacy from this clinical psychologist, entrepreneur, and parenting expert known as the "millennial parent whisperer."
Worried your success might turn your kids into entitled brats? Dr. Becky shares wisdom on raising resilient, grounded children - even when money isn't an issue.
Dr. Becky Kennedy, the force behind "Good Inside" and often called the "millennial parent whisperer," brings her clinical psychology expertise and personal experience as a parent-entrepreneur to tackle a common concern among successful families: how to raise well-adjusted kids in an environment of wealth and privilege.
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
Here's My Take
As a successful professional or entrepreneur, you may find yourself deeply resonating with Dr. Becky's insights, particularly the idea of intentionally introducing challenges into your children's lives. One major, actionable takeaway is to do hard chores in front of your children. While it might not be appealing, it's a commitment worth making for your kids' development. Beyond chores, consider occasionally stepping out of your comfortable lifestyle when your children are old enough to notice, ensuring they understand that not everyone has it so easy. You may find yourself wrestling with the balance between providing a good life for your family and instilling important values in your children. This conversation offers valuable perspectives on navigating that delicate balance, helping you raise resilient, motivated kids while enjoying the success you've worked hard to achieve.
Building Resilience Through Frustration
Dr. Becky emphasizes the importance of allowing children to experience and cope with frustration. She explains, "Frustration tolerance is actually one of the most important skills for life, not only to avoid entitlement, it's actually the skill that helps you learn. It's the skill that helps you do hard things."
Key points include:
- Entitlement often stems from a fear of frustration
- Constantly solving problems for kids prevents them from developing crucial coping skills
- Money can make it tempting to eliminate all obstacles, but this hinders long-term resilience
Dr. Becky warns, "If you're doing that for your kids over and over and when they're young and you're not tolerating their tantrums... Well, what I'm really doing when I'm making my life short term easy is I'm actually doing the opposite of what I want for my kids as a value."
Balancing Success and Parenting
As a successful entrepreneur herself, Dr. Becky offers insights on managing a demanding career while being present for your family. "I really am a boundary queen," Dr. Becky shares. "I don't think more is better when it comes to anything in life."
She suggests:
- Set clear boundaries between work and family time
- Be fully present during designated family moments
- Recognize that your energy and behavior shape your children's development
Dr. Becky emphasizes the importance of balance: "You can have it all. You just can't have it all at once."
Teaching Financial Responsibility
Even in wealthy families, it's crucial to teach kids about money management. Dr. Becky notes, "What we want for kids is they pause. And I think what you're saying, when you've been through adversity or when you didn't grow up with any money and you make it yourself, you know the value of something."
She recommends:
- Set up allowance systems that require real choices and trade-offs
- Consider having teens take on part-time jobs for invaluable life experience
- Create opportunities for kids to understand the value of money, even if the scale differs from less affluent families
"You can't ever learn to deal with things you haven't experienced," Dr. Becky reminds us. "And no matter how much someone tells you something, it's the bodily experience of something that builds awareness and skills."
Rethinking Legacy and Expectations
Rather than focusing on specific achievements or continuing the family business, Dr. Becky suggests a different approach to legacy. "I really hope my kids, you know, become adults one day who say, I feel really at home with myself. I feel like I'm living a life that's in line with my values and the things I care about," Dr. Becky reflects.
She encourages parents to:
- Prioritize raising children who feel at home with themselves
- Encourage kids to live in alignment with their own values
- Recognize that having a child is "an act of production" rather than reproduction
Dr. Becky quotes Andrew Solomon: "There's no such thing as reproduction... having a kid is an act of production. And what it really means is you're forever cast into a relationship with a stranger."
Other Quotes
Here are some additional impactful quotes from Dr. Becky:
"To me, entitlement is essentially the fear of frustration. Entitlement, when you're older often comes in a situation. When you're struggling, you feel frustrated because something's not going your way and your body at the age of 18 or 48, or whatever age you are, essentially has learned to become fearful of frustration."
"I feel like I'm at a place where, like, I've earned my right to avoid adversity. I've earned it. Like I get when people say that to me, I'm like, you're 100% right. And then if I'm honest, which I always try to be because I feel like people deserve it, if that's an operating principle of a parent's life 100% of the time, we just have to own that there will be cost to our kids."
"If something feels too hard to do, all it means is the first step isn't small enough."
"Our kids benefit most from when we're just like present with them with no agenda, which is almost like the opposite of an urgency mindset."
"I don't know in this moment if I want anything particular for my kids as much as like, I really hope my kids, you know, become adults one day who say, I feel really at home with myself. I feel like I'm living a life that's in line with my values and the things I care about."
Links You Might Like
- Good Inside website
- Good Inside app
- Far From the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity by Andrew Solomon
We've Got Other Bad Ass Episodes
- Moneywise Ep. #16 When Do You Tell Your Date You're Rich?
- Moneywise Ep. #12 It's Easy to Spend but Hard to Spend Well
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