The CEO's Guide to Parenting: How Dr. Becky Kennedy Helps $10M+ Entrepreneurs Be Present for Their Kids

I spoke to Dr. Becky Kennedy in this week's episode of Moneywise.

Dr. Becky is a clinical psychologist, parenting expert, and founder of Good Inside, a parenting resource platform that has quickly grown to include a book, membership program, app, and more. She's been called the "millennial parent whisperer" for her practical, empathetic approach to raising kids.

We went deep on balancing entrepreneurship with parenting, the dangers of entitlement, and teaching kids crucial life skills like frustration tolerance even when you've achieved financial success.

Below you'll find a summary I've put together of the episode, along with the entire transcript.

And by the way...this podcast, the concept of it came from Hampton. I've been running Hampton for about four years now. It's a community of 1k+ entrepreneurs and founders doing about $25M in rev. It's a place where we discuss numbers, their equity structure, revenue, growth, etc. It's helped me make connections I couldn't get otherwise. So if you want to be part of these conversations—ones that happen amongst people who run businesses that are doing tens or hundreds of millions of dollars a year in revenue, check it out. But until you join or until you get there, you have this podcast.

New Moneywise episodes come out weekly.

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Now, below are the notes and the full transcript.

The Numbers

• Good Inside Growth: From 200 Instagram followers in February 2020 to a multi-platform business with 40+ employees
• Membership Program: Over 60,000 members across 100+ countries
• Product Line: Book (Good Inside), membership program, and newly launched app
• Work Schedule: Early riser (5:00-5:15 AM) with strong boundaries around personal/family time
• Family Details: Three children ages 6, 9, and 12 (soon to be 7, 10, and 13)
• Background: Grew up in Scarsdale, NY with a father who became "increasingly successful" during her childhood

Balancing Business Growth with Family Life

Unlike many business founders who start families after establishing their careers, Dr. Becky's journey as an entrepreneur came after having children. She worked just two days a week until her youngest child was three years old, then gradually built Good Inside into the thriving company it is today.

The key to her success lies in setting firm boundaries between work and personal life. "I really am a boundary queen. I feel amazing about my boundaries," she explains. One example is her Thursday morning ritual: "On Thursday mornings I work out with my friends, we make breakfast together after, and I get into work at ten and everyone in my office knows."

For Dr. Becky, maintaining these boundaries isn't just about work-life balance—it's about modeling the behavior she wants to see in her clients and their children. "I don't think more is better when it comes to anything in life," she notes.

The Danger of Entitlement and How to Prevent It

One of the most valuable insights Dr. Becky shares is her perspective on entitlement, particularly in children raised with privilege. "To me, entitlement is essentially the fear of frustration," she explains. "Entitlement, when you're older, often comes in a situation when you're struggling, you feel frustrated because something's not going your way."

She illustrates this with a powerful example: "The dad had become very successful and the 16-year-old had a full-blown temper tantrum in an airport when he found out he wasn't flying first class."

The solution? Don't shield your children from every frustration. "Frustration tolerance is actually one of the most important skills for life, not just to avoid entitlement, it's actually the skill that helps you learn. It's the skill that helps you do hard things."

Teaching Kids the Value of Money and Work

For families who have achieved financial success, Dr. Becky emphasizes the importance of teaching children about money in meaningful ways. Even if the specific dollar amounts differ from what most families deal with, the principles remain the same—children need to learn about trade-offs and choices.

"The point of allowance is to a little bit mimic what you go through in the real world where money is real and choices and trade-offs are real," she explains. "I can do this, but then I'm not going to do this. And I think that's really important for a kid to learn in their body."

Dr. Becky also strongly advocates for teenagers getting jobs, regardless of family wealth. She notes that her husband, who worked as a busboy in a restaurant as a teen, considers it "the most important life experience" because it teaches the value of money through direct experience.

Building a Resilient Mindset in Children

Rather than focusing solely on achievements or external markers of success, Dr. Becky emphasizes helping children develop internal resilience and self-awareness. "I really hope my kids become adults one day who say, 'I feel really at home with myself. I feel like I'm living a life that's in line with my values and the things I care about.'"

This means parents sometimes need to step back from making everything easy for their children. "Will my kid have to do things that they don't see as number one on their list to get along with other people and kind of just in general, like, be a good human? I would say, yes."

Simple practices like having children attend siblings' activities even when they'd prefer not to, or having them fold laundry (even when you could hire someone to do it), build crucial life skills that no amount of privilege can replace.

Good Inside: From Instagram to Empire

Dr. Becky's business journey began unexpectedly on February 28, 2020, when she posted her first Instagram content. Two weeks later, as the pandemic began, a post about helping children develop resilience during uncertain times went viral, launching her into the spotlight.

Since then, she's built Good Inside into a comprehensive parenting resource with a membership program, book, and now an app. The digital product addresses what she sees as a gap in the market: "Parents have been left behind in the technological revolution," she explains.

The Good Inside app offers personalized content that parents can quickly consume in small moments throughout their day, an AI-powered chatbot, and reminders that serve as "a whisper in your ear" during challenging parenting moments.

Other Key Quotes

"Following your internal sense versus following some external definition of success, probably over time leads to very different outcomes."

"I want my kid to learn that dealing with other people is hard. I want them to have to come home one day and say, 'I had a hard day at work,' and internally I'm going to be smiling."

"My productivity can also be explained in I'm extraordinarily anxious when I have something I want to do and it's not checked off my list."

"You can't ever learn to deal with things you haven't experienced. And no matter how much someone tells you something, it's the bodily experience of something that builds awareness and skills."

"Having a kid is an act of production. And what it really means is you're forever cast into a relationship with a stranger."

Links You Might Like

• Good Inside Website
• Good Inside App
• Good Inside Book
• Dr. Becky on Instagram
• Hampton Reports

Full Transcript

[00:00:03] Dr. Becky: The dad had become very successful and 16 year old had a full blown temper tantrum in an airport when he found out he wasn't flying first class.

[00:00:13] Sam Parr: This is exactly what I do not want to happen to my kids. Well-rounded adults come from being able to handle and overcome adversity. But at the same time, when you become an adult and you build yourself a level of success, you naturally want to make your life easier. The hard part becomes, how do I do that while simultaneously raising resilient and motivated kids? As a new dad, this is something that I'm obsessed about, and it's why I've asked Doctor Becky to come on our show. And by the way, if you've not heard of her doctor Becky, you should look her up on Instagram. She's a parenting expert. She's like the hottest thing going right now. I find her incredibly fascinating. She has a website called Good Inside, a book also called Good Inside, and she's an expert on this type of stuff. And on today's podcast, that's what we're going to talk about. We're going to talk about how to balance running a business or your career while being present with your kids, how to navigate your expectations and your kids and your family's legacy and a ton more.

[00:01:12] Sam Parr: Welcome to money wise. I'm your host, Sam Parr. Look, spend just a few seconds on the internet, and you're going to see a ton of information out there on how to become successful. But there's not a lot of stuff out there that teaches you how to handle success and handle money. I'm the co-founder of a company called Hampton. You can see it at Joint Hampton. Com. It's a community with thousands of CEOs, most of whom are doing tens of millions in revenue. And so I'm able to see all of these amazing conversations that typically happen in private. But it's my opinion that a lot of these conversations should happen in public, because this stuff you can't exactly Google and hence this podcast money wise. With money wise, we provide advice by speaking to people who have made a lot of money, and they're radically transparent about all their numbers, meaning their monthly expenses, how they've invested money, their portfolios, things that people never talk about, And then more importantly, we talk about the issues and the problems that come with being successful in how they're solving them. And by the way, if you love numbers, you have to Google this. Ready? Hampton reports. See at Hampton, we have thousands of CEOs of companies ranging from tens of millions all the way up to hundreds of millions. And we're able to ask them all these amazing questions like how much money they're paying themselves, what their net worth is. We'll ask them different questions about their industry. So if they run a software company, we're gonna ask them about their cash to LTV ratio. We're gonna ask them about the multiple that they're selling their businesses. We have all these amazing reports that are incredibly transparent on numbers. So check it out. Hampton reports. That's all you have to Google and you'll see it up top.

[00:02:41] Sam Parr: Becky's not only a practicing clinical psychologist, but she also founded her own company called Good Inside, which is a website for parents that has a ton of amazing resources workshops, a book, a blog, a podcast, all this amazing stuff, all on parenting. She's even been called the millennial parent whisperer. It's got a nice ring to it. And here's how it all started.

[00:03:01] Dr. Becky: You know, in my private practice where I was seeing adults for therapy, I was seeing couples for couples work, and I was also seeing teens, and I was seeing parents of young kids. Those were kind of like the four groups. It just started to strike me. And that what struck me just got louder and louder inside me. That all of the advice I've been told to give parents to raise young kids is completely counter to everything I'm saying to teens, to couples, and to adults in therapy and the things that help 16 year olds and 45 year olds change their lives can't be that different from the things to an eight and ten year olds need. And if an adult was struggling with something, I would never say, okay, well, if you don't do what I say, I'm going to take away your phone for the week or go to your room and you think about it like it's just so bizarre. And so I think I was forming a lot of these ideas around what parents need to know to help their kids during those years in private practice. And then they started coalescing enough. And I was talking to colleagues. I was doing presentations for years, and then I think I was talking my husband's head off about it one night after years of doing this, and I remember him saying to me, you should put these ideas on Instagram. It was like, I don't know if he was also saying, like, I'm trying to watch a TV show or, you know, I think maybe it was a football game.

[00:04:18] Dr. Becky: February 28th, 2020 was the day I put out my first post. I think it was like, hi, I'm Doctor Becky, you know? And then two weeks later, I had 200 followers and New York City shut down. And I remember this post. I'm not a detail oriented person. I just like put things out. I'm not a perfectionist, but my husband would always edit things for me because he's like, you're putting out things with so many typos. And there was this post on how our kids will remember more about how their family homes felt during coronavirus than anything about the virus itself. Our kids are watching us. They're learning how to deal with uncertainty. And then the line was, let's wire them for resilience, not panic. And then there were nine slides, which is what I do of like really concrete strategies to do that. And I remember my husband editing it and I don't know why. I said to him, I got to get this out there. Like someone would have been like, Becky to who, like, you have 200 followers. They're like your mom's friends and like, you know, random people. But I felt it. And then that post Sam did, it went viral. I was like, oh my goodness, what is happening? And then, yeah, that was kind of the one of the explosive moments.

[00:05:19] Sam Parr: Her business continues to explode. And we'll hear more about that shortly. But first, it's important to understand that Doctor Becky's expertise is coming from a few different places. One, of course, her education and career experience is psychology. Two, as we'll learn in a few minutes, she herself is raising kids while growing and scaling her own successful business. And three she herself was raised in an affluent environment and gives a lot of credit to her parents for doing a very good job raising her.

[00:05:47] Dr. Becky: I grew up in Scarsdale. My dad was increasingly more successful over my childhood.

[00:05:53] Sam Parr: Did you grow up in a stressful environment of like, an alpha type A? I have to achieve because my family did.

[00:06:02] Dr. Becky: I mean, I think I grew up in an achievement focused town and it can, you know, maybe even get a bad rap. But you know some of my friends from high school and growing up are some of like the best, you know, most solid people I know. So I actually have a lot of good things to say. I mean, it was very pros and cons to living anywhere but what I would say about my home, which maybe isn't true about all the homes of everyone I knew where I was growing up, is I feel like I had actually very warm, very boundaried parents also, and parents who I actually really feel like they instilled the sense of capability and drive in me, maybe even over external achievement.

[00:06:41] Sam Parr: I think I've heard you talk about it like tell your child or congratulate them on the effort as opposed to the result. So instead of saying you're so smart, it was you studied really hard and I appreciate that. Is that what you're kind of getting at?

[00:06:54] Dr. Becky: I think that's probably in the same vein. I mean, I think, yeah, if we zoom out. Right, which I feel like we're kind of talking about internal motivation, extrinsic motivation, how much do I feel this pressure to be some narrow version of myself, or how narrow is my definition of success? And definitely in some towns and some cultures, the definition of success or the picture of it is extraordinarily narrow. Like maybe there's one archetype versus the idea of there's many ways to be successful and maybe even, you know, redefining what that means. Can some version of success are the most compelling version of success be, you know, being attuned to what I like, to what lights me up inside? I mean, that's something I think about all the time. And now that I'm doing this, I'm like, this lights me up inside. This is the best, most addictive feeling in the world is like doing something that's aligned with your values and your interests. And I think, you know, following your internal sense versus following some external definition of success, probably over time leads to very different outcomes.

[00:07:57] Sam Parr: Now, before we get into the weeds, let's go back and focus on something that a lot of us likely relate to right now. Doctor Becky is in the growth stage of building her business. Arguably, all phases of running business are in the growth phase, but I digress. At the same time, she's raising three young children herself.

[00:08:15] Dr. Becky: My kids are six, nine and 12 and they all kind of turn in. So they're about to be seven, ten and 13.

[00:08:22] Sam Parr: Being a full time business owner and media personality is demanding. Raising three kids, probably even more demanding. So how does she do it without neglecting the business or her family? It's as simple as setting boundaries and of course, waking up at 5 a.m..

[00:08:40] Dr. Becky: So I think the thing that makes my world go round is that I'm a pretty early riser, and that's natural. And like, I don't mean that with morality because I know, like, people are like, oh, you wake up early or like a better person, but.

[00:08:50] Sam Parr: Not by the way. I have no problem admitting I am not. I get up at about 730 or 8 and I go to bed at one.

[00:08:55] Dr. Becky: Exactly. So for me, I'm generally up by like five, five, 15, like no matter what time I go to bed. And so I think I work a good amount. But I mean, I speak about this, it's a core part of what I call sturdy parenting. Like, I really am a boundary queen. Like, I feel amazing about my boundaries. I didn't used to. I've worked hard to do that, but I don't think more is better when it comes to anything in life, you know? What does that.

[00:09:17] Sam Parr: Mean? Like what's an example of one of your boundaries as it relates to work?

[00:09:21] Dr. Becky: On Thursday mornings I work out with my friends, we make breakfast together after, and I get into work at ten and everyone in my office knows. That's why I get in at ten. And I know that staying connected to my friends, that part of my life is really important to me and is part of my being a sturdy leader at work and not feeling burnt out. And I don't feel guilty about that. I'm not like, ooh, you know? And like, I generally hold that boundary unless I'm traveling or something like that.

[00:09:49] Sam Parr: Something that I've noticed since I've had my kid a little less than a year ago is that I've noticed my priorities. They've changed. My daughter means everything to me, and being a good dad, it's just the most important thing I care about. And suddenly everything else, everything that I thought was important. Like, for example, business. Honestly, it feels a little bit silly. So for me, creating boundaries, it's largely about allowing myself to continue to build and do what I love and frankly, what I'm wired to do, but also to protect my time that I have with her. That's something that feels important to be cognizant of, and I think in many cases, those boundaries are made with the intention of holding yourself to account. I know that at the end of the workday, I need to unplug and I need to be present. Even though 10 or 15 years ago, when I was young and single, I probably worked a lot more than I am willing to work now. But life changes. And when you notice these changes, you need to be active in following them. If you don't like those changes, then parenthood probably isn't for you. Which is fine. I think that when it comes to being a parent, no kids deserve a half present parent. And so if you're going to do it, you got to commit. And you have to have these boundaries not just for your kid, but frankly, for yourself. Otherwise you're just going to feel guilty. And that shift in focus can go either way. Doctor Becky's business life came after her children.

[00:11:06] Dr. Becky: In some ways, I think my journey was probably almost opposite. Maybe yours, in that I was working two days a week until my youngest was three, and now, yeah, I run good inside. We have about 40 employees. You know, we just put out a digital product. We have a tech team, right. And so I think what was missing for me is I always knew I wanted to do something with more impact. And that was like kind of a need in my life that wasn't there. And then I guess the challenge for me has been, okay, well, how do I still show up? Obviously, as a parent, the way I want to show up where I think a lot of people maybe have the opposite journey where I have like the single focus, like you said, someone on their business or making money, and then they're like, whoa, my family also matters to me where I'm in this stage in my life where I'm like, wait, this thing that lights me up at work. This matters to me in a way that's bigger than it used to. And so how do I incorporate that?

[00:12:06] Sam Parr: Now notice when Doctor Becky talks about balance. She isn't talking about family and work life. She's also talking about your social life. And we can infer your hobbies and the things that make you, as an individual, happy. Look at it like the way airlines tell you to put your oxygen masks on before your kids making endless sacrifices can feel and seem noble. But the best way to be a good parent is to make sure that you are the best version of you. But here's where we get back to a trickier spot. Making a lot of money means you can make your life as convenient as you want it to be. Remember when we spoke to this guy? So personal assistant is like doing.

[00:12:42] Speaker4: Anything around the house, basically like house management, returns, chores, laundry, managing, the cleaning crew, managing like anything we want to do.

[00:12:49] Sam Parr: But if you don't do the hard, annoying stuff, why should you expect your kids to understand that they should? How can you expect them not to be entitled to the lifestyle they've known their whole lives? Doctor Becky has an interesting take on that and we'll hear it after a quick break.

[00:13:06] Dr. Becky: To me, entitlement is essentially the fear of frustration. Entitlement, when you're older often comes in a situation. When you're struggling, you feel frustrated because something's not going your way and your body at the age of 18 or 48, or whatever age you are, essentially has learned to become fearful of frustration. And so you get so angry that you're frustrated, meaning you're not getting what you want in the moment, that you externalize that and you yell at people or you demand things. And then I think a question is like, okay, well, how would you develop a fear of frustration? Well, what happens when kids are young? When kids are young in their early years, they are learning about how to relate to the entire range of emotions that they'll feel for the rest of their life. And if they're learning when I'm frustrated, do people solve things for me right away? Do they make it better for me right away? Is there always a kind of frictionless path in front of me? Which definitely. I'll say some money can make easier, right? Money can buy people's way out of frustration. It often is what people do with money. They buy their own way of frustration. Right? But if you're doing that for your kids over and over and when they're young and you're not tolerating their tantrums because you're like, I just can't deal with it, here's the iPad air. Fine. You don't have to come with me on an errand cause you don't want to. I'll drop you off at home with the nanny. Well, what I'm really doing when I'm making my life short term easy is I'm actually doing the opposite of what I want for my kids as a value. I'm actually building circuits in their body where they learn. When I get frustrated, I should expect someone else to provide me an exit.

[00:14:41] Dr. Becky: And actually then not only do they not learn to tolerate frustration, they learn to be scared of it because essentially what they noticed in their environment around them is everyone else is scared of me. When I feel frustrated, they will. Oh my goodness, will the adults around me jump through hoops to make sure I'm calm right away and I'm not frustrated. So I guess this frustration feeling is bad. It doesn't only overwhelm me, it overwhelms my dad. It overwhelms my mom because they will do anything to make me exit this feeling. And then fast forward, you know, and I've told this story before, but to me it was so compelling because these are the loveliest, most well-meaning parents. And the dad had become very successful and 16 year old had a full blown temper tantrum in an airport when he found out he wasn't flying first class. And the parents were like, how did we get here? And yet, when I think about it again, so well-intentioned, this was a family where generally this kid did get the easiest version of everything, the most comfortable version of everything. Frustration tolerance is actually one of the most important skills for life, not only to avoid entitlement, it's actually the skill that helps you learn. It's the skill that helps you do hard things. Because you and I know no one gets to any place by avoiding frustration. It's actually the people who are like, frustration is just the name of the game. When I'm trying something hard, I'm frustrated. So learning to tolerate frustration to me is one of the most important things I try to focus on with my kids and have other parents focus on with their kids.

[00:16:12] Sam Parr: Andrew Carnegie is one of my favorite people to read about. He's a very complex character because he did a lot of good, but he was also he did a lot of bad. One of the lamer things that he wrote, he has this book called The Gospel of Wealth, and he wrote this story about God bless the young boy who's born without the burden of riches. He's being so blessed by being born poor. I feel so sorry for those who are born rich. And I'm like, well, that's like a little extreme. Like, that's kind of cringe. That's ridiculous. But I do believe a little bit of it's not a blessing to be born poor, but it is a blessing to not have everything handed to you. And so if I'm growing up and I have a cushy lifestyle as a grown up, as an adult that I've worked hard to achieve, and I do want to fly private or I do want to fly first class. What are your suggestions for kind of putting hard in my kids life or, you know, putting adversity in my kids life when I may not live a particularly high adversity life.

[00:17:09] Dr. Becky: I think, first of all, like step one is just asking ourselves the right questions, and I really mean that it is okay. And just noticing that, wow. Probably one of the reasons I got to where I am is because I learned to overcome adversity. We can't ever learn to overcome adversity if we don't face adversity. Now. And I get this. I feel like I'm at a place where, like, I've earned my right to avoid adversity. I've earned it. Like I get when people say that to me, I'm like, you're 100% right. And then if I'm honest, which I always try to be because I feel like people deserve it, if that's an operating principle of a parent's life 100% of the time, we just have to own that there will be cost to our kids. It just will happen because they won't have the same experiences that build resilience. And by the way, build confidence because avoiding frustration and adversity your whole life actually makes you feel very fragile because you know you haven't been through anything, you know, you don't have the skills. And so you actually go into adulthood looking to limit the range of experiences you have because you're like, I know I'm not built for anything else. So it's actually when I think about entitlement things that I actually I find it very vulnerable. People feel very, very vulnerable. I mean, the entitled moment looks like a kid's being an asshole, but underneath is a kid who has no greater skills to deal with life than they did when they were 1 or 2. Right? So I think the practical, I don't know, solution, or at least maybe it's a roadmap is yeah, we have to pick our moments. We do.

[00:18:36] Sam Parr: Pick what? Pick your fancy moments.

[00:18:39] Dr. Becky: Both. Right? If your kids never see you fold laundry, why would they ever think they should be responsible for folding laundry? If your kids always fly a certain way? Well, I would just say we just have to expect when my kid has a tantrum when we fly coach and he's 16, like, I can't get mad at him about it. Our kids learn in the environment moments of yes, it might be okay. How can I, as an adult, tolerate frustration a little bit more than I generally do for my kids benefit? Where are those areas? What makes sense for me and my family? How can I do that a little bit more this week than I did last week? So again, operating principle frustration is one of the best feelings your kids can feel. Our job is not to take away frustration. Our job is not to make our kids happy. That makes them very long term entitled and anxious both. Our job is actually to help our kids learn to tolerate the widest range of emotions because guess what? They will always have the widest range of emotions. So here's another one. Let's say boredom and waiting. Those are two things that I don't think anybody loves. It doesn't even matter your wealth. I don't think anyone loves to be bored. I don't think anyone loves waiting. I would also say they're part of the human experience.

[00:19:59] Dr. Becky: When my kid says to me and this, you know, I think about this in my own family. Oh, can you drop me off at home? I don't want to go to the grocery store with you. Or do I have to go to my sister's soccer game today? Can't you make me a play date? Or maybe for some families, they have and this is not mine. But like, maybe some families and I work with these families, they're like, we do. We have kind of like a nanny for each kid. So my son never has to go watch his sister's soccer game. Well, I would say if I fast forward, like again, how was the environment I'm creating today? Because it's true. My my son probably doesn't have to see his sister's soccer game when he's 20, but that's just a very concrete Create manifestation of? Will my kid have to do things that they don't see as number one on their list to get along with other people and kind of just in general, like be a good human, like I would. I would say, yes, I'm going to be on the side of yes. So am I setting them up to do that or not? And so things like, hey, I want to let you know, we're going to go to your sister's soccer game as a family. Oh, but I have this nanny. You're totally right.

[00:20:51] Dr. Becky: And we're going to do things a little bit more often together that are maybe first on a sibling's list and actually not at all first on your list. And I'm just going to be clear about why we're doing this. It's just important. It's important to practice doing things that aren't completely for your enjoyment. I'm just going to say it straight to you, honey. It is. And we haven't always done that. And honestly, I need to do that a little bit more. But to end up being a good person and to like, live in the world, we have to practice. And it would be kind of like the first time you practice a layup if you had never played basketball. When you miss and you're going to find it's hard. I anticipate going to your sister's soccer game. You're going to say it's hard. You're going to say, I'm bored and I'm going to say to you, I know it takes time to get used to new things. This feels hard. And you're a kid who can do hard things, and you can complain the whole time, or you can not. Either way, we're going to sit it out. And so that's how it's going to be like. That's one tiny example where patterns of those moments in either direction, having them versus never having them have a massive impact on a child's worldview and their expectations.

[00:21:55] Sam Parr: When I was 17, I desperately wanted to meet girls, and I was like a goofy kid. I read this book on how to meet women, and the takeaway on the book was, you're laughing at me, but I'm like, you grew up. Look, you grew up in the finance world. I'm sure you were surrounded by nerdy boys as well who had to learn these things. And one of the takeaways from the book was they were like, well, women like interesting men. And to be interesting, you should be more ambitious, or you should have a hobby and you should, like, bring people along to your hobby and you should, like people will gravitate towards you if you like, are passionate about something. And I was like, oh, so you're telling me I can, like, get a girlfriend if I just become like a better person and work on myself? That sounds like the greatest deal on Earth. And in a way, what you're describing is like, well, in order to be a better father, I've got to, like, actually do these hard things to myself as an example for my child. And on one hand, I'm like.

[00:22:48] Dr. Becky: That sounds oh, shoot. That sounds. She didn't say that.

[00:22:51] Sam Parr: That sounds really fucking tough. But on the other hand, I'm like, yeah, like that's undeniable. I can't deny that. You know what I mean? And so that's kind of like when I hear you, I'm like, all right, cool. That's like a straightforward advice. Unfortunately, now I've got to go and do harder stuff and that's the way to live, which would be better for me too.

[00:23:11] Dr. Becky: That's right. You know, some of the best piece of advice I ever got was from my second grade teacher. And I remember her saying to all of us, if something feels too hard to do, all it means is the first step isn't small enough. Okay? And I really think about that all the time at work, in my personal life, anywhere I tell it to my kids when they're doing homework, and I would say the same thing to anyone listening. If you're like, oh my goodness, doctor Becky says, I have to fold my laundry. Like I'm not. Again, I actually am always get away from like the concrete thing on the surface because everyone's life is different. Concretely, folding laundry might be like, I'm never doing that. Cool. You know yourself. What I'm saying is, what is a small step you might take? Again, only if this makes sense to you. Like if this hits somewhere in your heart where you're like, oh, shoot, that resonates. Okay, well, if we think about something too big, you know what we do? We just say to ourselves, I'm not doing it. And then we get stuck. That's a shame. But what is the smallest thing you could do that's a little different? That makes you say, oh, yeah, that'll be a little annoying, but I could do that. Where I can do that lies is such a place of empowerment. And that's, that's I think the starting point.

[00:24:07] Sam Parr: That boils down to what is the advice every parent has heard a million times. Children do what they see, not what they're told. But it's also even more than that. Kids can feel your energy. They can tell when you're happy, they can tell when you're mad, and they can tell when you're nervous or anxious. That sense of nervousness, whether you realize it or not, can be heightened if you're someone wired for productivity.

[00:24:31] Dr. Becky: It can look productive on the surface, but I think my productivity can also be explained in I'm extraordinarily anxious when I have something I want to do and it's not checked off my list. And so out of pure anxiety relief, I do things quickly, which again, can lead to a lot of productivity and at times could lead me to make not good decisions because there are moments of like, wait a second, there's not necessarily an action to take, right? And so for me, with kids, I like to do things that are like very manageable. And honestly, our kids benefit most from when we're just like present with them with no agenda, which is almost like the opposite of an urgency mindset. And I know I'm not going to be like that all the time, but it's why, like one of my favorite quote interventions is just I call it nap time play no phone. And I tell myself, and you probably would do this too. Like Becky, my job right now is to put my phone in my bathroom, close two doors so I definitely don't hear it, and go sit on the floor and play with my kid, and it's going to feel not productive for me. And I'm like, wait, we should go outside. We should actually kick a soccer ball. But actually, like, my job is just to attune to their world and that's actually what is going to fill them up and build their confidence and build our connection, which is what leads to more listening and more cooperation and fewer tantrums. And that's the most important thing to do right now. And that gives me like a ten minute block to focus on. I feel like I could do anything for ten minutes, which is a little bit of an antidote, probably also to my like, urgency rush culture.

[00:25:53] Sam Parr: I got lucky when I was 21. I inherited this misbehaved dog that became my dog, and I spent so much time training this dog to be wonderful. And training a dog is really hard, but it's like very rewarding. And one of the most important things you learn is that energy is contagious. The energy that I have this dog can pick up very easily. And so I need to be calm, assertive, not anxious, assertive, but a lot of entrepreneurs, myself included. And I get the energy from you. There's an anxiety to you, a little bit of like almost borderline frantic for me, particularly when it could be like checking net worth, checking stock prices. We could save money by doing this. We could earn more by doing this. We could be more productive if we do this. It's a almost a frantic, non-stop thing that is very challenging to turn off, and I accept that I may be broken and I can't improve, but you know, like, maybe I can improve, but it's like, whatever, I'm I might be a little silly, but I want to not pass the negative energy onto my family. How are you shielding that from your loved ones, your kids?

[00:26:54] Dr. Becky: I also, I mean, I just have this like constant stream of ideas, and I do like to turn ideas into actions. So that could be like frenetic too. And this is one of those places where I do feel like my husband has really helped me. Like, you know, we'll talk about a weekend and I'm like, wait, we could do this and we could do this.

[00:27:12] Sam Parr: Is he type A?

[00:27:14] Dr. Becky: Is he type A? I don't know. I mean, he just processes things for longer before he acts. I would definitely say that is true of him, like.

[00:27:21] Sam Parr: The wise energy or something like that.

[00:27:22] Dr. Becky: Yeah, he definitely has this like wise energy for sure. And it was helpful when he was like, you know, it's nice to do things as a family, which also goes to entitlement. Like, not every kid needs to be optimized. And also just because there's like a free couple hours on a Saturday, like, how about we don't plan anything and we just like have breakfast together and like maybe do a puzzle or play a board game, which we actually really like to do and is like a good antidote to our, you know, screen life. And like, I need his reminder. I'm like, oh, right. That's an option because I was like, there's this exhibit and we could go there and, you know, and we could fit in lunch, you know? And I honestly feel like and this still happens sometimes, like I can feel annoyed by it, like, oh, you don't want to go anywhere, you know? But if I'm honest with myself, I'm not the best at knowing when to slow down. I'm not. And if I look at my partner, he's like, oh, he's better at that. And he also can signal to me when I might need to do that instead of feeling like, oh, I need to be better at that all, all the time. Like maybe I have a friend or a partner or someone who I could be honest with and they can like in a loving way. I feel like the people who love you the most can, like, lovingly call you out on something. And if we take it in as like a reminder again of our need to balance or our values, then we don't need to be so defensive. And so I find that helpful in our family.

[00:28:38] Sam Parr: We've got more coming up, including my biggest fear when raising my kids. Hang on for a moment. Now, we've explored an idea quite a bit in a previous episode that happens to be one of my biggest anxieties for raising kids. Now, I've been lucky and I have a good career, and I've made a little bit of money, and that money could potentially help them have a really awesome life. A life that's just fun all the time. A life that you never have to do hard things. A life that you could just coast. And guess what? That would be horrible. The goal in raising a kid isn't just to give them a memorable and positive childhood, though. That is definitely incredibly important. The goal is to raise them into successful, well-rounded adults. And something that I've thought about is once my kids are adults, I maybe don't plan on paying for their life. And so that begs the question why would I start early?

[00:29:30] Dr. Becky: Here's what I think matters about allowance is I've seen too many people who have a lot of disposable income. Essentially, their kids spend their parent's money, or they can just kind of get whatever they want, and then they have some cool allowance on top of it. But it's kind of meaningless because it's all play money. Or to me, the point of allowance, again, is to a little bit mimic what you go through in the real world where money is real and choices and trade offs are real. I can do this, but then I'm not going to do this. And I think that's really important for a kid to learn in their body versus what can be hard for kids. Someone else would say, what messes kids up? That's so final. I hate that term. I would never say mess them up, but what doesn't set them up for resilience and groundedness in the real world is if the first 18 years of their life, money has no grounding in reality and it's just kind of always there or arbitrary. And so what I'd say to parents around that, is that something you're thinking about to set up money and allowance in a way where your kid has to make choices.

[00:30:35] Dr. Becky: And now, look, this might sound absurd, but I was recently talking with someone about this where the choices your kid might have to make might sound absurd and ridiculous to someone at a very different income level, because they're like, my kids can't do any of that. And you're saying your kid is deciding whether to order sparkling water at a restaurant or just have tap water? Let's say that's like as quote, ridiculous as that. Well, if you're telling me a kid who has massive amount of wealth is at a restaurant when they're in teens with their friends and they say, you know what, guys? No, let's not order that because essentially they're thinking, I want to get a candy bar later, and it's going to be like, that's good. That's actually really helpful for a kid. And again, I think this is where I try to take people are like, that's absurd. The situation on the surface.

[00:31:16] Sam Parr: That's how I grew up, by the way. It was like, are we allowed to get a soda today or not?

[00:31:21] Dr. Becky: Right. We're like that thought process. What we want for kids is they pause. And I think what you're saying, when you've been through adversity or when you didn't grow up with any money and you make it yourself, you know the value of something. You know how hard you had to work for something. And if I do get that extra sweatshirt just because it looks cool, like, oh, like I had to work a lot of hours to get there, or that means I can't buy this thing, you know, somewhere else.

[00:31:45] Sam Parr: Everything in my life, starting at the age of 14, was measured in 550 an hour. So it was like, is this worth eight hours or not? I got my first job, I think, when I was 14, working at a bakery, cleaning dishes. Are you your kids coming up there a few years away from 15 and 16 years old? Are you going to advise them to get a job like that?

[00:32:02] Dr. Becky: I will, I think that's really important. And I think, you know, my husband grew up in a very different way than I did. Same. I mean, he worked at like a restaurant, starting as, like a busboy.

[00:32:13] Dr. Becky: Yeah, exactly. And he's always like, it's the most important life experience. Like, you know, when you're thinking about buying something, you're like, there's no way I'm doing that. Exactly. That's like 30 hours, you know? Or if you do, you take care of that thing. Oh my goodness and the truth. And I think this relates to a lot of other things we're talking about is as a kid, you know, as you're growing up, you can't ever learn to deal with things you haven't experienced. And no matter how much someone tells you something, it's the bodily experience of something that builds awareness and skills. And so again, different people might have to be more or less creative because some might say, oh, like, does that mean I need my kid to be a busboy? It might, but again, it just might be. What is the main point? Okay, I want my kid to learn to work. I want them to learn that dealing with other people is hard. I want them to have to come home one day and say, I had a hard day at work, and internally I'm going to be smiling to their face and say, oh, you did tell me about it. And internally I'm like, yes, that's like such a good moment of parenting. How can I set up a structure to allow my kid to have the experiences that are going to help their long term confidence, groundedness, and resilience?

[00:33:26] Sam Parr: There's something about building wealth that makes you proud, and you have a right to be proud. Even with some luck, it takes a lot of work to build and grow a business. I used to think that when I died, it was the same feeling that I had before I was born, which is nothing. My life mattered to me while I was living it, and that was it. But then a major thing happened. I had my first child, and that event made me realize that there is more to my life than just my time living here. My legacy will live on through my children and their kids, and to me, that gives me an urge to direct my kids down a path to continue on the businesses that I've built and grow the PA legacy. Of course, if they're interested and if they are, that would make me incredibly happy. But I wanted to know what Doctor Becky thinks of legacy, and if my dreams and hopes of having my children carry on my business. If that's a healthy mindset when raising my children.

[00:34:26] Dr. Becky: This might sound weird, but maybe it's not. Maybe it's consistent. I actually don't know in this moment if I want anything particular for my kids as much as like, I really hope my kids, you know, become adults one day who say, I feel really at home with myself. I feel like I'm living a life that's in line with my values and the things I care about. And I really, really, almost obsessively believe that nobody can know that for a person but themselves. And so I hope my parent, my kids in a way that they can grow and like, still return to some, like inner core knowing. And I don't know what that's going to look like in life now, of course. Does that mean whatever happens doesn't matter? Of course. You know, there's things that could be dangerous, but in terms of what I'm doing now with my career. Or maybe someone would say it's ambitious. I don't actually wish that for my kids. I don't not wish it. I guess I'm open to like a wide variety of options for them.

[00:35:20] Speaker3: Well, I think that's what you call emotional health, which is your emotionally healthy, which is like a fairly rare thing.

[00:35:26] Dr. Becky: Well, I mean, I'm like rolling my own eyes as I hear myself talk like, you know, I'm not trying to say there's none of that. But I am always struck. I don't know if you've heard this quote. It's an Andrew Solomon quote from his book Far From the tree. It's actually the first line from his introduction. And that book is amazing and it's long. So I actually think just reading the prologue is like really compelling as a parent. But the first line of his prologue says there's no such thing as reproduction. And he says that word is a representation of our ego based fantasies, that we will reproduce or reproduce the best parts of ourselves. He goes, you know, having a kid is an act of production. And what it really means is you're forever cast into a relationship with a stranger. That's what it means, really, to become a parent. That's kind of at the core of so many hard moments with our kids that we have some vision of who they should be, or they're going to not have the worst parts, they're going to have the best parts. And and sometimes and of course, this happens to me too. We can a little bit miss this, like amazing but complicated stranger in front of us who like is kind of our challenge to love and relate to. But but I find that language for me like I didn't reproduce anything. I mean, that's what they call it when you have a baby, but it's not actually a reproduction. It's a production. And I find that framework really helpful.

[00:36:45] Sam Parr: I loved having Doctor Becky on this podcast because I've been a huge fan of hers, and frankly, I have got one major and obvious takeaway do my laundry in front of my children to do hard chores in front of my children. I don't want to. I really don't want to, but I'm going to. And not only chores, but I definitely think that in the future, when my kids get old enough to kind of know what's going on, I'm gonna do something that's a lot less fancy. Every once in a while, to make sure that they know that they cannot get used to this stuff, and that there's adversity out there and that not everyone has it this easy, and they should expect that their life not be this easy. Doctor Becky was awesome to have on, and I asked her to come on because I'm a fan of hers. And so this is not like a paid ad or anything like this. She didn't ask me to say this, but I do want to let you know that she's got an amazing website called Good Inside.com and she actually had an app go live the same day we recorded this interview, and so I want to give her a chance to plug it.

[00:37:48] Dr. Becky: It's called the Good Inside app. It's available everywhere. And look, I think how good inside started was with like our first disruption. My first disruption was in the parenting approach itself. It's true. I don't think punishments are effective. At the end of the day, they don't teach people skills. I also don't think permissive parenting and letting your kid run the show is effective. So we've developed this completely transformative, disruptive parenting approach called sturdy parenting. It's equal focus.

[00:38:14] Sam Parr: The first product was the book.

[00:38:15] Dr. Becky: Well, the first product, I guess, was actually we've had this membership for two years, but it's been on web. We have over 60,000 members in over 100 countries now. It's really global. I mean, it's so engaged. And what I realized about a year ago, and this really made me mad and I don't know, I'm sure you think I don't know if you think about this. Every area of our life, I swear, has become more convenient because of technology and honestly, because of founders and thought leaders saying, I'm going to put my mind to making this part of life more convenient. Like I think I can learn a language, I can exercise, I can do anything. I have an app. It's personalized to me. I feel like it's not easy, but whatever it is is easier. And then when I think of parenting, I really had this moment of like, parents have been left behind of the technological revolution. Like not only just I, which is part of our app, but like, why is it still that someone's like, my kid's having a tantrum and I have no idea what to do. Like, if I was in your house, I would tell you exactly what to do and it would feel right to you. And it would help short term and long term. And parents just throw up their shoulders and they're like, well, there's no way to figure it out. Maybe I'll find an SEO optimized article that tells me nothing. Like it's.Insane.

[00:39:21] Sam Parr: I like. Your, uh, shrugging shoulders parent voice.

[00:39:24] Dr. Becky: Yeah. And it made me angry. And so I really saw how, yes, we had this disruptive approach. It really was. People always tell us this has changed my life and my kid's life. And I realized that's not enough. I really want good insight, not only to have a disruptive approach. I want to have a disruptive, first of its kind tool that actually caters to a modern parent who's running around. And if you're like me, you have three minutes when you're brewing your coffee or hiding in your closet or sitting on the toilet, that's all you have. The idea that I'm going to watch an hour long course most days, it's just not going to happen. And I felt like I was failing those parents because I know with my friends, if they connect to me, it takes sometimes 30s 90s to tell them the one thing they need to be like, wait, my whole week just got better. I know exactly what to do. I like my kid again. By the way, thank you for helping me like my kid again. And that's what we wanted to build. And so our app gives this deck feature. So it's essentially like decks of cards that are personalized to your kid. Their issue their age that you can swipe through super easy. We have an AI powered chatbot that's, you know, essentially like having me on speed dial. We have these reminders that pop up and your chaotic moments, it's kind of like a whisper in your ear, and everything inside is obviously the approach. But now, finally, there's this tool that, in my mind, really gives parents what we've always deserved right there in our pocket.

[00:40:41] Sam Parr: That's goodinside.com check it out.