Worried your success might turn your kids into entitled brats? Dr. Becky shares wisdom on raising resilient, grounded children - even when money isn't an issue.
Dr. Becky Kennedy, the force behind "Good Inside" and often called the "millennial parent whisperer," brings her clinical psychology expertise and personal experience as a parent-entrepreneur to tackle a common concern among successful families: how to raise well-adjusted kids in an environment of wealth and privilege.
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
As a successful professional or entrepreneur, you may find yourself deeply resonating with Dr. Becky's insights, particularly the idea of intentionally introducing challenges into your children's lives. One major, actionable takeaway is to do hard chores in front of your children. While it might not be appealing, it's a commitment worth making for your kids' development. Beyond chores, consider occasionally stepping out of your comfortable lifestyle when your children are old enough to notice, ensuring they understand that not everyone has it so easy. You may find yourself wrestling with the balance between providing a good life for your family and instilling important values in your children. This conversation offers valuable perspectives on navigating that delicate balance, helping you raise resilient, motivated kids while enjoying the success you've worked hard to achieve.
Dr. Becky emphasizes the importance of allowing children to experience and cope with frustration. She explains, "Frustration tolerance is actually one of the most important skills for life, not only to avoid entitlement, it's actually the skill that helps you learn. It's the skill that helps you do hard things."
Key points include:
Dr. Becky warns, "If you're doing that for your kids over and over and when they're young and you're not tolerating their tantrums... Well, what I'm really doing when I'm making my life short term easy is I'm actually doing the opposite of what I want for my kids as a value."
As a successful entrepreneur herself, Dr. Becky offers insights on managing a demanding career while being present for your family. "I really am a boundary queen," Dr. Becky shares. "I don't think more is better when it comes to anything in life."
She suggests:
Dr. Becky emphasizes the importance of balance: "You can have it all. You just can't have it all at once."
Even in wealthy families, it's crucial to teach kids about money management. Dr. Becky notes, "What we want for kids is they pause. And I think what you're saying, when you've been through adversity or when you didn't grow up with any money and you make it yourself, you know the value of something."
She recommends:
"You can't ever learn to deal with things you haven't experienced," Dr. Becky reminds us. "And no matter how much someone tells you something, it's the bodily experience of something that builds awareness and skills."
Rather than focusing on specific achievements or continuing the family business, Dr. Becky suggests a different approach to legacy. "I really hope my kids, you know, become adults one day who say, I feel really at home with myself. I feel like I'm living a life that's in line with my values and the things I care about," Dr. Becky reflects.
She encourages parents to:
Dr. Becky quotes Andrew Solomon: "There's no such thing as reproduction... having a kid is an act of production. And what it really means is you're forever cast into a relationship with a stranger."
Here are some additional impactful quotes from Dr. Becky:
"To me, entitlement is essentially the fear of frustration. Entitlement, when you're older often comes in a situation. When you're struggling, you feel frustrated because something's not going your way and your body at the age of 18 or 48, or whatever age you are, essentially has learned to become fearful of frustration."
"I feel like I'm at a place where, like, I've earned my right to avoid adversity. I've earned it. Like I get when people say that to me, I'm like, you're 100% right. And then if I'm honest, which I always try to be because I feel like people deserve it, if that's an operating principle of a parent's life 100% of the time, we just have to own that there will be cost to our kids."
"If something feels too hard to do, all it means is the first step isn't small enough."
"Our kids benefit most from when we're just like present with them with no agenda, which is almost like the opposite of an urgency mindset."
"I don't know in this moment if I want anything particular for my kids as much as like, I really hope my kids, you know, become adults one day who say, I feel really at home with myself. I feel like I'm living a life that's in line with my values and the things I care about."